It was a sunny orange-Growing day in Waxahachie, Florida that inspired Florida Man to go for a walk. "It was so pretty, one of those dessert-looking sunsets" said Mr. Man, 33. "I was staring at some storks in the wetlands when a god mash-up ran up and screamed in my face 'Don't have spiritual moments you godless shitbag!'"
Mr. Man claims that his six-armed assailant next grappled with him and began beating him with a Mjölnir while screaming, "Go to hell!". That's when Mr. Man was certain he was being targeted for his atheism. "I didn't panic, I just rubbed his big fat belly for good luck, and well, you can see me standing here now, can't you?," said Mr. Man of the altercation, adding "Thankfully MMA is unholy."
Reports of racial and religious minorities being targeted have increased, and Mr. Man's incident increases yet another report. "I just try to stick to the facts, so that I know when I am the news," said Mr. Man.
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