"Pen mightier than the word," Trump retakes Dien Bien Phu

Saturday morning President Trump reclines on a sofa in a Mar-a-lago suite, white boxers and white undershirt.  "I just can't get the wifi to work," the President says as he directs various international conflicts with a smartphone app.

"I just need a few more gems before I can get more cards, and then their attack power will increase when I level up," the President says, referring to the members of Strike Force Silver Spoon.  The elite squad, comprised of the children and grandchildren of members of Congress, has been given the nod to spearhead the assault on Dien Bien Phu.  "It just wasn't right what they did, bad, very bad," the President says of the Viet Minh action of March 1954.

"Attack!," The President says as he wooshes a smartphone stylus pen across his tablet to launch the assault. Grinning at your correspondent as shots echo out of a tinnny speaker, he exclaims, "The pen is mightier than the word.  This thing is amazing, it even makes press releases."

The president's move comes amidst a spree or Asian warmongering in the press, and race baiting in the Atlantic capitals of Manhattan and the beltway.  "The world is our Homeland!"

Florida Man Targeted For Atheistic Reverie

It was a sunny orange-Growing day in Waxahachie, Florida that inspired Florida Man to go for a walk.  "It was so pretty, one of those dessert-looking sunsets" said Mr. Man, 33.  "I was staring at some storks in the wetlands when a god mash-up ran up and screamed in my face 'Don't have spiritual moments you godless shitbag!'"

 Mr. Man claims that his six-armed assailant next grappled with him and began beating him with a Mjölnir while screaming, "Go to hell!".  That's when Mr. Man was certain he was being targeted for his atheism.  "I didn't panic, I just rubbed his big fat belly for good luck, and well, you can see me standing here now, can't you?," said Mr. Man of the altercation, adding "Thankfully MMA is unholy."

Reports of racial and religious minorities being targeted have increased, and Mr. Man's incident increases yet another report.  "I just try to stick to the facts, so that I know when I am the news," said Mr. Man.